Tears of Fear
by RoxxiSanders
Summary: After all the demons they have hunted and all the things they have seen, nothing scares Sam as much as seeing his big brother cry.


**DISCLAIMER: **Wish I owned Dean Winchester…sadly I don't :(

**SUMMARY:** After all the demons they have hunted and all the things they have seen, nothing scares Sam as much as seeing his big brother cry.

**A/N: **Pretty please read and review.

Set after John's death.

**TITLE:** Tears of Fear

Sam always remembers when he was child; not because of the mental scars which had been left from his childhood but because of his big brother Dean. When their father had been away it had been up to Dean to look out for little Sammy Winchester and looking back, Sam realised that Dean had practically raised him alone. Sure their father brought a little money for them every now and again and he always came home to check on them but it had been Dean who would go out for ice cream for him, even when John said 'no going out after dark boys'. Dean was the one who would tuck him into bed at night and read him stories; of course in later life Dean went on to deny all of this, claiming that he did help raise his brother but he was no pushover and when Sammy cried and gave him puppy dog eyes he certainly didn't cave and give the boy what he wanted.

Dean had held the family together; he had been the strong one, giving up his own childhood so that Sam could have some semblance of one. He had walked Sammy to school every day and then gone his separate way to go to his own class then after school Sam would wait outside of Dean's classroom for him to finish. This was the way it had been since Dean was ten and Sammy was six. When they had finished school, Dean would then walk them both home and set about making dinner while Sam did his homework. His cookery skills weren't wonderful but he made sure they were as well fed as he could manage and secretly saved up money he would find in the street or the money that John gave him for milk and cookies at school to buy treats for his younger brother. He did of course make sure that Sammy used his to buy his milk because his daddy once told him that Sammy was a growing boy and needed to keep healthy.

When Sammy was getting bullied, it was Dean that put a stop to it. Sam had waited outside Dean's classroom as always, a bloody nose and a bruise forming on his cheek. When Dean asked what happened, he said that he would take care of it but Dean pushed and pushed until Sam gave in and told him the name of the kid a couple of grades above him who had hit him in the playground. He had cried as he told Dean that he was bullied because they had no mommy and Derek Norman thought he was a freak. It had taken all of Dean's strength not to cry as Sammy told him what had happened and by the end of the story Dean was hugging Sam tightly against his side, telling him that Derek was the freak and that it would all be okay. It had scared Sam; the tears that welled up in his big brother's eyes. Dean never cried, he said that crying was for girls yet here he was…tearing up because his baby brother was upset.

Dean had refused however to let the tears fall in front of Sammy because he was the strong one, it was when they were both in bed and that night and blackness had surrounded them that he had let his silent tears fall; never again did he want to see that look of worthlessness in his brother's eyes. The next day at school, a ten and a half year old Dean had confronted a twelve year old Derek and made sure that he never laid a finger on his little brother ever again.

When Sam went off to Stanford, Dean knew that things would never be the same between him and his brother ever again. John yelled and screamed, telling Sam not to bother coming back because he clearly wasn't cut out to be a hunter and that meant that he wasn't cut out to be a Winchester. Sam also screamed back, saying that if he was being disowned by his family because he wanted to live his own life then none of them were worth it. He told them not to call, not to visit and to stay out of his life but the one thing that scared him more than his family's rejection was the tears he saw in Dean's eyes that day he left.

As usual Dean didn't let the tears fall; He had always been the strong one and that wasn't about to change because despite Sam's words, he knew that his brother still secretly needed him. They needed each other, they always had and Dean could only pray that they always would.

That night however, in the blackened room of a seedy motel whilst his father was out hunting, a twenty two and a half year old Dean cried himself to sleep at the thought of never seeing his little brother ever again.

When Jessica had died, Sam had cried and once again Dean had been there to comfort him; blinking back his own tears because he knew that Sam needed him to be strong for the both of them. Secretly he was just relieved to have his baby brother back and even though Sam was now in his early twenties, to Dean he would always be that pain-in-the-ass, utterly adorable brother he had raised. They had hunted things which no one dared even dream about, looked death right in the face and Dean had never once cried in front of him but one night, the night of John Winchester's death, the tough act slipped as Dean desperately tried to fight against breaking down in front of Sam.

He trusted the boy with his life, hell he would _give_ his life for Sam but he had always been the strong one, ever since his daddy told him when he was five years old that they had to look after and protect Sammy. He had kept his promise, done the best he could but now John Winchester was gone and for all the pain and suffering he had caused, Dean knew that there had been some good times too. Like the time he had taught Dean how to fire a gun and the time he had managed to save up so that they could have waffles for breakfast in a diner different to the rundown ones they usually ate in.

He thought that he was doing well at stopping his emotions from getting the better of him but when Sam gently placed a hand on his shoulder and told him that it would all be okay, he cracked. First it was one tear, a single crystal drop but then it was followed by another and another until floods of them escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Sam sighed before sitting down beside Dean and pulling him into a hug, allowing the tears of his brother to soak his shirt. It still never ceased to amaze Sam just how scared he truly was by his brother's rarely-shed tears because after all the demons they had hunted and all the things they had seen, nothing scared Sam as much as seeing his big brother cry. Dean had always been the strong one but now it became clear that it was his turn. Whispering words of comfort, he wished that both brothers could believe what Sam was saying but the truth was that the words were empty. Eventually things would be okay but they had a hell of a long way to go until that day came.

When the sobs ceased, Sam managed to get Dean to lie back on the bed, telling him that he needed the rest. "Dean, just try to get some sleep okay?" Dean was about to shake his head until Sam added, "Do it for me…you're no use if your falling asleep at the wheel tomorrow." Eventually Dean nodded and allowed his eyes to slip closed.

When Sam thought he was asleep, he spoke quietly, a sad smile on his face. "You know, when I went to Stanford and I said I never wanted you to call I didn't mean it. I know you thought I did but I was just angry and if I could take it back…man I would." Sighing, he looked around the room of the motel and shook his head. "Some things never change huh Dean? Here we are, still in some dead beat motel but I don't care anymore because I remember when I was little and you said as long as we had each other then we'd be fine. I didn't believe you back then but I do now." It was a good job Dean was asleep because he would never confess this to his brother whilst he was awake; he knew the best response he would get would be, 'no chick flick moments Sammy'. "I never actually thanked you for all you did for me when we were little but things will be different this time…I'll show you and I'll be the best little brother a guy could ask for." Scratching his head somewhat nervously, he took one last look at Dean before standing up and making his way over to his own bed across the room. Slipping out of his jeans, he climbed under the covers and turned off the bedside lamp which had been illuminating the room. "Goodnight Dean, I uh…I love you big bro." Allowing his eyes to slip closed; he soon drifted off to sleep.

A couple of tears slipped down his cheek as he looked over at the boy he had raised but a soft smile graced his lips and when he was certain that Sam was asleep, he allowed himself to confess, "You already are the best little brother I could have asked for Sammy." Allowing a small chuckle to escape, he looked over at the shadowy figure in the other bed. "I love you too…bitch."

After everything they had gone through; all the pain and the suffering…there will still some good times to remember and as Dean fell asleep he dreamt not about the death of a father he had once followed orders from but of two small boys, one with sparkly eyes and a mop of brown, shaggy hair and one bringing home ice cream which he had saved up for three weeks to buy just to see his baby brother smile.

Yeah…as long as they had each other they would be just fine.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading now pretty please review and let me know if you loved or hated it.


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